MigKarZ

A part of me broke when I saw your pretty face and be reminded why you can't be mine.

MigKarZ

This night, I prayed to God He take away the part of my heart that still beats for you, the part that whispers your name with every beat, the part that misses you ever so badly. I hope and pray He hears my prayers. I know He would for it is not right for me to feel this way for you from the start...

MigKarZ

You don't get to do that...to come into somebody's life, make them care...then just check-out.

MigKarZ

What's next after all the love is gone? It's been 10 long years or was it 11?

I've always knew she only thought of herself always. I just never got around thinking that. I was hoping. Hoping she would change eventually. I was wrong. I hate selfish people. She happens to be one of them. I remember there was a time long ago that we talked about death. When I said I think I'd die early. I was thinking she'd be sad at the fact and mourn saying she can't live without me...but no. Instead the answer I got was "paano na ako? sino na magbabayad ng bahay at lupa?". She was more concerned of that...those material things I could provide her. It hurts but I did not show it back then dismissing it as a minor thing. But as the years pass it becomes more and more apparent. And yes, she is indeed selfish and loves only herself. She is incapable of empathy. She's all me, me, me and does not know the joy of charity, the joy of giving, the joy it brings on helping those less fortunate. When it comes to money, she's unwilling to give to others. She'd rather spend it on herself or save up for an overseas vacation. That's how she is.

I don't see the point of going home early every night. There's nothing worth going home to except for "one". Apart from that "one" who's often asleep by the time I arrive, there's really nothing of value left at home. She asks, why I don't kiss her when I get home. Why nga ba? Because everytime I do, she'd shove me away of make an awful face complaining my face is greasy and dirty. She asks, why am I not sweet with her anymore. Why nga ba? Because everytime I become sweet and show it, she'd respond by complaining she's tired or busy reading something on her iphone and doesn't want to be disturbed. That's how she is. This has been going on since we've been together. I had always dismissed it before letting it pass as one of her idiosyncrasies. I can't do that anymore.

Both my heart and my body are tired especially now. Now that I know someone out there actually, and really would care for her man. Someone who would give her all to the man she loves. I was comparing, yes. She is infinitely better than what I assume to have now. That is why I fell. The things I've been missing is in her. I've never felt anything this strong for anyone before...but...it cannot happen. You can't begin to understand the pain of knowing that the person you love so deeply can love only one person...her current man...and that I am not even a part in her heart. Her heart I think is ruled by two men. Her current man and the man she really, really likes. I am not one of them. She made that very clear. It should have been clear to me too. How can I ever be in her heart when I'm tied to another?

The sad part of it all is that she came too late and that I was young and a fool to let myself be tied to that ever self-loving woman. And apart from coming late she's madly in love with her man and probably wanting this other guy. She says she doesn't like the other guy but I beg to differ. Body language and reactions tell tales. I've seen the way she is when she talks to him. I've seen the way she looks at him. And that hurts. I don't have the right to be hurt.

Where does this leave me?

I can hope for nothing from her and from the woman I'm tied to. She talks about making the most of what we have now...if I have a chance I'll tell her, I did make the most of what I have now...it's just that what I have now fell short of what I need. Sad, isn't it?

It has always been this way for me. I would find the girl who I can give all my love, solely, and completely that every breath I take I'd say her name but always, always, it can never be...once was age...and now...well, you know the story.

I am lucky in most things...but I am unlucky in love.

MigKarZ

I wake up in the morning and look at her eyes and I think we're supposed to be one person...but whenever I try, all these things going on in my head...she's just another stranger.